Friday, November 03, 2006

A great new holiday...

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  • "There should be a day, every year-- a new holiday: Tell Them Day. A day when we all, together, gather Braveness in our hands and Run to those we love silently, and Sing."

    "Maybe there should be a day when we actually come out and tell someone we don't love them too. Maybe it could be the same day. I think that part would be even harder."

    Julie said...

    Very interesting concept, and very difficult to do.. don't you think? So maybe that's why if you do it on that day, it's much 'easier'?
    Both things to tell people are so very hard, b/c one puts you in a very vulnerable place and the other might make you feel like you are crushing someone else's heart. What do you think?

    staghounds said...

    Saying I love you might seem to put us in a vulnerable place, but does it really? If what we feel is love, then is it dependent on the object's response? I love this gorgeous autumn day, and it is completely indifferent to me. So what? It's just as beautiful, makes me feel just as good, and I love it no less.

    It may seem to be different with people, but to me it's not. I believe that we don't have any real control over our deep emotions any more than we do our taste in food. We don't "decide" to like or dislike, say, liver. We do or we don't. So it is with love. All we can do is put the truth out there. Maybe it's reciprocated, you will never know if you don't try.

    The second worst thing that can happen is that it's not reciprocated, so you have taken a brave risk- nothing to sneeze at- and someone else knows that they are loved. Those are both pretty good results if you think about it- and if you love the person, don't you want them to feel that lovedness? The worst thing is that the person doesn't reciprocate, but can't or won't be honest about that.

    Which is the second half of the question. Of course you'd feel you were crushing someone- but would you really be? Again, I don't believe we can choose whom we love or are loved by.

    If their love is genuine and not some sort of trade, then they will only be sad about the lack of reciprocation, which happens.

    If you let them think they are loved but they aren't, you are lying to them and enslaving yourself. The truth hurts for a moment, a lie hurts for a long, long time.

    There might be one exception, which was my own terrible experience along the love line. I fell completely in love with someone, it was reciprocated, but I was in "practical" terms unsuitable for her. If I had seen that clearly, I would and should have kept my mouth shut and hands to myself.

    But I so wanted it to work out, for us both. Eventually I saw my inadequacy and had to be the one to correct my mistake. It's a hard, hard thing to break two hearts, and breaking your own is the least of the two by a long way.

    I think the idea of the holiday is just to give people who want to tell a secret a little extra help. If you plan to speak up on the day, and visualise yourself doing it, it might let it happen more easily.