Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Police Sexual Orientation Monitoring Form

Here's a draft-

In order to better serve the public, Your Police Service has begun a program of Sexual Orientation Monitoring. Please note that completion of this form is voluntary. It is also anonymous, please do not place your name on this form. Interested co workers will not use your fingerprints, dna, or their ability to notice who drops the form in the box in our 24 hour CCTV monitored building to find out who the perverts are. Or put their names on the internet. Really. Promise.

Please check all that apply:

I have a: Vagina____ Penis and/or Testicles____ Both___

Neither___ (Chief inspectors and above check here)
I would like sexual contact with a: Vagina__ Penis __ Both ___

I would be willing to accept contact from a: Vagina __ Penis __

If it is attached to someone:

Pretty Enough ___

Young Enough ___

Not That Young Though, I'm Not A Pervert ___

Need Young And Pretty ____

If Pretty Enough, Older Is Fine ___

I Prefer Old And Ugly, Actually ___

A More Senior Officer In Exchange For
Career Advancement _____

Rank Of Officer ____

Amount Of Career Advancement____________________

The Person Named Here __________________________

Don't Care, As Long As It's Not ________________________

Anybody, Please, Just Some Pathetic Simulation Of Love: ___

Anyone Who Will Hire Me, This Form Is The Last Straw ____


PC Bloggs said...

Your mistake is to discriminate against people who have a penis but no testicles, or, er, vice versa.

staghounds said...

This is just a draft. It has been corrected, and the author counselled and sent to sensitivity training. Give yourself as many diversity points as you feel you deserve.