Sunday, April 13, 2008

How to Create a Rape Victim...

I joke below about my referrals, but one of them led me to The Unapologetic Mexican and his post, How to Create a Rape Victim.

It's a post about the long term effects of requiring children to express "love" on demand. Obvious once it's pointed out, but until now I hadn't thought of it. My brilliant friend K. said it's not obvious to those who haven't gone through it, and certainly not to those going through it now.

"You know all the lines he'll drop on her, and I bet they won't sound too different than her parent's. She'll be inculcated from years of forced affection ("Give your grandpa a kiss...don't be rude," "Tell me you love me, now" "You're hurting my feelings by not saying you love me") and the idea that her own body and feelings are inconsequential in the face of someone else's desires and wants. And then god forbid, should a day ever come when a man forces himself on her, or even coerces her when she'd rather say NO but doesn't feel empowered to—and she comes home absolutely wrecked over it...will the parent ever put 2 and 2 together?


And who will be made to own those feelings of guilt and shame, despite any consequences to the male? The girl who was never taught that her love and her display and expression of that love is HERS to give out at her OWN discretion. And why? So the parent didn't have their poor feelings hurt."

"Love is not a gun. Don't stick up your kids for a feelgood."

And it's pretty well written, too.

"So I bit my tongue and listened to another child being slowly murdered with the toxic sweetness of a parent's insecurities.

My sandwich was delicious. But I did not enjoy it."

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