Thursday, May 28, 2009

Geezers Versus Pirates...

Deck Chairs Versus AKs...

Geezers win!


FEISTY pensioners used deck chairs to fight off Somali pirates who tried to hijack their cruise ship on the Indian Ocean

No need to rewrite this one!

Although it is nice to think of a little drum head court on the quarter deck, presided over by someone whose last ocean voyage was under a White Ensign sixty years ago.

Even a cruise ship has a yard, blocks, and half inch manila line...

After all,
  • "Five or six seventh-grade kids and a 95-pound art teacher can basically challenge, bring down and immobilize a 200-pound man with a gun."


  • These people beat real navies, Germany, Japan, and Italy- a bunch of Somalis in a skiff is a joke.

    Wednesday, May 27, 2009

    Post Memorial Day Thoughts from Sabra...

    Get a hankerchief for this one.

    He probably loved accordions and polka music without the slightest hint of irony...

    A Good Name for your Son...

    Last year's seven hundred and sixtieth most popular name for boys in the United States ?

    It's his.

    It's a shame the Social Security Administration doesn't publish the least popular names any more. I'll bet there are some Attas, Moussawis and McVeighs.

    Tuesday, May 26, 2009

    Memorial Day Epitaphs.

    The piece that's known as the "Kohima epitaph" is called that because it's on the memorial at the Battle of the Tennis Court:

    "When You Go Home, Tell Them Of Us And Say,
    For Their Tomorrow, We Gave Our Today ”


    John Maxwell Edmonds'original version is

    "When you go home, tell them of us and say
    "For your to-morrows these gave their to-day."

    Less well known are Rudyard Kipling's

    "Epitaphs of the War" They were written for 1914-19, but they apply to all of them.


    Equality of Sacrifice

    A. "I was a Have."
    B. "I was a "have-not."
    (Together.) "What hast thou given which I gave not?"


    A Servant

    We were together since the War began.
    He was my servant - and the better man.


    A Son

    My son was killed while laughing at some jest. I would I knew
    What it was, and it might serve me in a time when jests are few.


    An Only Son

    I have slain none except my Mother. She
    (Blessing her slayer) died of grief for me.


    Ex-Clerk

    Pity not! The army gave
    Freedom to a timid slave:
    In which freedom did he find
    Strength of body, will, and mind:
    By which strength he came to prove
    Mirth, companionship, and love:
    For which love to death he went:
    In which death he lies content.


    The Wonder

    Body and spirit I surrendered whole
    To harsh instructors - and received a soul . . .
    If mortal man could change me through and through
    From all I was - what may the God not do?


    Hindu Sepoy in France

    This man in his own country prayed we know not to what powers.
    We pray them to reward him for his bravery in ours.


    The Coward

    I could not look on death, which being known,
    Men led me to him, blindfold and alone.


    Shock

    My name, my speech, my self I had forgot.
    My wife and children came - I knew them not.
    I died. My mother followed. At her call
    And on her bosom I remembered all.


    A Grave Near Cairo

    Gods of the Nile, should this stout fellow here
    Get out - get out! He knows not shame nor fear.


    Pelicans In The Wilderness
    (A Grave Near Halfa)

    The blown sand heaps on me, that none may learn
    Where I am laid for whom my children grieve. . . .
    O wings that beat at dawning, ye return
    Out of the desert to your young at eve!


    Two Canadian Memorials

    1
    We giving all gained all.
    Neither lament us nor praise.
    Only in all things recall,
    It is fear, not death that slays.

    2
    From little towns in a far land we came,
    To save our honour and a world aflame.
    By little towns in a far land we sleep;
    And trust that world we won for you to keep.


    The Favour

    Death favoured me from the first, well knowing I could not endure
    To wait on him day by day. He quitted my betters and came
    Whistling over the fields, and, when he had made all sure,
    "Thy line is at end," he said, "but at least I have saved its name."


    The Beginner

    On the first hour of my first day
    In the front trench I fell.
    (Children in boxes at a play
    Stand up to watch it well.)


    R. A. F. (Aged Eighteen)

    Laughing through clouds, his milk-teeth still unshed,
    Cities and men he smote from overhead.
    His deaths delivered, he returned to play
    Childlike, with childish things now put away.


    The Refined Man

    I was of delicate mind. I stepped aside for my needs,
    Disdaining the common office. I was seen from afar and killed...
    How is this matter for mirth? Let each man be judged by his deeds.
    I have laid my price to live with myself on the terms that I willed.


    Native Water-Carrier (M. E. F.)

    Prometheus brought down fire to men.
    This brought up water.
    The Gods are jealous - now, as then,
    Giving no quarter.


    Bombed In London

    On land and sea I strove with anxious care
    To escape conscription. It was in the air!


    The Sleepy Sentinel

    Faithless the watch that I kept: now I have none to keep.
    I was slain because I slept: now I am slain I sleep.
    Let no man reproach me again; whatever watch is unkept--
    I sleep because I am slain. They slew me because I slept.


    Batteries Out Of Ammunition

    If any mourn us in the workshop, say
    We died because the shift kept holiday.


    Common Form

    If any question why we died,
    Tell them, because our fathers lied.


    A Dead Statesman

    I could not dig: I dared not rob:
    Therefore I lied to please the mob.
    Now all my lies are proved untrue
    And I must face the men I slew.
    What tale shall serve me here among
    Mine angry and defrauded young?


    The Rebel

    If I had clamoured at Thy gate
    For gift of life on earth,
    And, thrusting through the souls that wait,
    Flung headlong into birth--
    Even then, even then, for gin and snare
    About my pathway spread,
    Lord, I had mocked Thy thoughtful care
    Before I joined the dead!
    But now? . . . I was beneath Thy hand
    Ere yet the planets came.
    And now - though planets pass, I stand
    The witness to Thy shame.


    The Obedient

    Daily, though no ears attended,
    Did my prayers arise.
    Daily, though no fire descended
    Did I sacrifice.
    Though my darkness did not lift,
    Though I faced no lighter odds,
    Though the Gods bestowed no gift,
    None the less,
    None the less, I served the Gods!


    A Drifter Off Tarentum

    He from the wind-bitten north with ship and companions descended.
    Searching for eggs of death spawned by invisible hulls.
    Many he found and drew forth. Of a sudden the fishery ended
    In flame and a clamorous breath not new to the eye-pecking gulls.


    Destroyers In Collision

    For Fog and Fate no charm is found
    To lighten or amend.
    I, hurrying to my bride, was drowned--
    Cut down by my best friend.


    Convoy Escort

    I was a shepherd to fools
    Causelessly bold or afraid.
    They would not abide by my rules.
    Yet they escaped. For I stayed.


    Unknown Female Corpse

    Headless, lacking foot and hand,
    Horrible I come to land.
    I beseech all women's sons
    Know I was a mother once.


    Raped And Revenged

    One used and butchered me: another spied
    Me broken - for which thing an hundred died.
    So it was learned among the heathen hosts
    How much a freeborn woman's favour costs.


    Salonikan Grave

    I have watched a thousand days
    Push out and crawl into night
    Slowly as tortoises.
    Now I, too, follow these.
    It is fever, and not the fight--
    Time, not battle - that slays.


    The Bridegroom

    Call me not false, beloved,
    If, from thy scarce-known breast
    So little time removed,
    In other arms I rest.

    For this more ancient bride
    Whom coldly I embrace
    Was constant at my side
    Before I saw thy face.

    Our marriage, often set--
    By miracle delayed--
    At last is consummate,
    And cannot be unmade.

    Live, then, whom life shall cure.
    Almost, of memory,
    And leave us to endure
    Its immortality.


    V. A. D. (Mediterranean)

    Ah, would swift ships had never been, for then we ne'er had found,
    These harsh Aegean rocks between, this little virgin drowned,
    Whom neither spouse nor child shall mourn, but men she nursed through
    pain
    And - certain keels for whose return the heathen look in vain.


    Actors

    We counterfeited once for your disport
    Men's joy and sorrow; but our day has passed.
    We pray you pardon all where we fell short--
    Seeing we were your servants to this last.


    Journalists

    We have served our day.

    Saturday, May 23, 2009

    I Know Why Antis Get The Hump...


    (Remember you can click on any picture to make it aggrandize itself.)


    So off for a day with stghounds in the forest of Cm piegn. As you can see, a pretty day to be out.



    Any more in that thing?




    Lots of people at the Rapport....




    And the stars of the show were ready!

    Off we go...


    Nice to see a good clean turn out.


    The first draw.


    At the second, hounds spoke!


    Oops, ro der. Well, move along...

    "Regardez-moi! I am ze most beautiful 'orse evair, non?"


    Again, hounds!


    Um, piggies this time. Oh well, third is the charm...


    Sure enough! A good strong cry this time, and moving quickly!


    Off and away! There was a good view of him, stopped and thinking,


    Right behind that character's hand!


    Alright. If you were the monarch of the forest, which way would you run- across this allee,


    Or this one? No lie!



    So away he went. He ran for a while, and we stopped to listen at this bit of forest. And what happened? Here he came, left to right , not thirty yards into the forest. Hounds were two long strides behind him, I thought it was all over. We happened to be beside one of my favourite French hunters to see, and as everyone bore right I heard her say, quietly, "Non, recule." I thought no way, there isn't any room to recule, they are all but nipping him now!
    Well what happened but along he came, this time THREE strides in front and only twenty yards away. His gallant risk had bought himself some distance.

    Across the allee, hounds pursued but they began to string out.



    And it was run and listen, run and listen for an hour or more.

    Staff had to dash!


    At one point he picked up some biches, and then split off to let them take the heat. Didn't work, but again it bought time and distance. On again, barreling along.


    Hunting #1, Ecole #2.


    Mme. J is never far from the right spot.


    He's in there somewhere...


    Good photographers set it up in advance...

    Hounds were hot on him again! You think you have road problems?



    But an overrun, he didn't cross after all.

    Hounds still at it, he came this far and now back again. But adding a little more distance for himself...


    No luck here, he's gone back again.


    We took another long loop to a fresh allee. Hold hard!
    What's that crashing through the leaves?




    There he is!!



    Under these treetops!




    Two strides away from me, behind this tree!


    Straight through a line of whip cracking, "ARRRRRET!"-shouting, trompe- blowing, galloping hunters...


    "Sacre Bleu! Zut Alors!"

    Right into the city of Cm pieg ne!!



    Where could he...



    Uh oh...





    "Well, you chassed me 'ere, wat air you goang to do wiz me?"



    Last season, this happened. With the help of un agent féminin de l'office de la chasse et de la faune sauvage, that one was given Vitamin S, removed, and released to run another day.

    As, I believe, it should be. When game, through bravery, cleverness, or accident, runs into a place WE have made which prevents its escape, it has beaten us fair and square.

    This fellow ran hard and clever. On three separate occasions, by my own eye, he was only three or four canter strides in front of a full on pack of hounds. I would have bet money each time that he was had, the old fashioned way. Over and over, he jinked and twisted, adding distance every time. He picked up Biches and used them to confuse hounds.

    And that double back!

    And bursting right past our line, across a busy street, into a neighbourhood!

    There was still an hour of daylight. If there had not been a BIG CONCRETE CITY to trap him, hounds would likely have prevailed. But he won, give him best and let him go.

    Unfortunately, not this time.

    He stood at bay, defiant, for fifteen minutes or so.

    And then we killed him.

    My understanding from what I overheard with my poor French, is that the police, who arrived and took charge, ordered it. I suppose that the other choices- lassoing and drawing him back to the forest, or waiting for the dart, lost out to public safety risk.

    Of which there was some. It was rush hour. Ropes break, drugs take time and sometimes fail, wild animals decide to run for it, crowds gather and do stupid things. Not faulting the tactical necessity of the decision, just hating the moral wrongness of it.

    At least they let us do the job quickly. Many a U.S. SWAT team would have insisted on "taking the shot", when the hunt staff have killed more of these creatures than most marksmen have ever seen.

    I hate it that modern technology more and more often impedes hunting. Sure it's bad that highways slow our runs down and towns impede them. But worse is an event like today, when the world we live in most of the time gets in the way of the ancient one we try to honour and preserve.

    The title of this post comes from years ago. I was out with a pack of foxhounds in England. Hounds found, and their fox got moving. Almost instantly, he ran toward a road just as a huge lorry blew past.

    The wind blast and racket, the vibration in the earth, stunned the fox. And before he could get his bearings, hounds were on him. The truck- something that isn't part of the hunt at all- killed him.

    The Terrierman stepped over and dug a little pit for the body. As he lifted it in, this man who enthusiastically killed foxes for a living muttered,

    "I know why antis get the hump".

    Yeppers.

    Friday, May 22, 2009

    Hunt Scum! A bloodthirsty "toff" and savage killers...

    Warning! Not for the squeamish!Too awwwful for direct viewing by the unadvised, I had to put this one in a link. So-



    Click on these blue words for a graphic image of the terrible true face of hunting with hounds...

    Monday, May 11, 2009

    A Brilliant Twenty Minutes on Constitutional Law...

    As a staunch small c conservative, I've often been at odds with Republicans over the fact that I respect and very often agree with John Jay Hooker in his current incarnation as anti-corruptionist and defender of the State Constitution.

    But I can't come up with a bonner mot about Constitutional Law than

    "The Constitution was written by non lawyers to be read by non lawyers... If your mother can't understand it, no lawyer can understand it."

    Wednesday, May 06, 2009

    Another Handgun Tragedy in Atlanta...

    "NEIGHBOR KILLED, GUEST SHOT IN HOME HANDGUN TRAGEDY

    In College Park last night, a party at the apartment of college student Charles Bailey once again proved that a handgun in a home is far more likely to injure acquaintances and friends than strangers.

    Police say that two men, including Calvin Lavant, a neighbor, may have joined the party uninvited. During the confusion following their arrival, party guest Prominently Named Shooter may have thought that Lavant had made advances to Shooter's girlfriend.

    Shooter grabbed his concealed semiautomatic pistol and opened fire at one of the men, who then ran out of the apartment. Shooter then turned his gun on Lavant, who was in another room with Shooter's girlfriend and other female guests. Lavant jumped out of a window to escape the gunfire. The youth was shot at least once, and died as he tried to return to his nearby home. People nearby said that Levant's last words were pleas for help, and for someone to call the police.

    A young woman, also a party guest, was shot several times. She remains hospitali2ed.

    Lavant's family and friends were shocked and horrified. A friend told reporters that Lavant would never have gone to the party if he had thought he wasn't wanted, and certainly would have left if he had been asked."

    Think the JoCon might run that one, Tam? I only took two Journalism classes.

    Monday, April 27, 2009

    Dating advice from my friend F...

    At a party the other night, and F.- "I've been divorced twice, so I should know", issued this pearl of wisdom-

    "You have to go out there and try.

    After all, you can't get hit by the bus unless you throw yourself in front of it."

    Wednesday, April 22, 2009

    You're fired, Rosa Brooks...

    Dear Ms. Brooks;

    I have read with interest some of your back columns. They compel me to withdraw the offer of appointment I made to you.

    Not because you seem to express contrary beliefs to suit your purpose. It might be risky to have someone on staff who can assert both


    Bush remarked that "if you're interested in avoiding World War III . . . you ought to be interested in preventing [Iran] from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon." ...This is lunacy in action.

    AND

    the war in Iraq is a dangerous distraction from other pressing threats to U.S. security, such as nuclear proliferation and the rise of militant Islam worldwide.

    But you are an opinion columnist, and any stick was good enough to hit President Bush.

    But we can stand that. You have, your entire professional life, been a critic. You have, with the benefit of hindsight, told responsible people where they erred and how they ought to do things in the future. When you have been wrong, you have maybe caused the LA Times to lose a few subscribers.

    What bothers me is the column of April 9. I may or may not agree with the ideas you mention about journalism. But I am very concerned about other comments- particularly

    "Some might say I have a "new job," but because I'll be escaping a dying industry -- and your tax dollars will shortly be paying my salary -- I prefer to think of it as my personal government bailout."

    and

    "Of course, I'm not taking a government job only because I feel lucky to parachute out before some cost-cutter eliminates every last column. At this moment in history, I can't imagine anything more rewarding than being part of the new team that's shaping U.S. policy."

    First, because I fear you will have serious problems committing to courses of conduct that go against your previously expressed opinions. It has become obvious to me since I came to DOD that there are things in the world of which I was ignorant. I have had to modify more than a few views I had which were based on that ignorance. I would hate for you to find yourself in a position where you had to, for example, make decisions about dealing with terror suspects in light of your columns. I would hope that you would be able to disregard your own advice in a proper case- but it would be difficult.

    Secondly, what we do at the Department of Defense is really outside your experience.

    We don't just say "you shouldn't have", and make suggestions. We actually do things.

    I wonder what you would have said in December 2001 about an adviser to the undersecretary of defense for policy if she had written in, say, June that Al Quaeda was “an obscure group of extremist thugs, well financed and intermittently lethal but relatively limited in their global and regional political pull.” But I don't have to wonder very hard, do I?

    As an adviser to the undersecretary of defense for policy, “Rosa Brooks” goes on recommendations of real policies, before the results happen. I used to mock that "I'm the decider" comment too- but it's not so funny now. No more working in a vacuum, no more costless mistakes. Everyone gets to be a critic now but you.

    And most importantly, the comments I quoted reveal a basic confusion about what the things we do are.

    Quoting an old boss of mine, I told you that here’s only one rule here- don’t f#*k up.

    Because this is the Department of Defense. Our tool kit is destruction- explosives, fire, steel, and radioactive material.

    Which means that every mistake, even the smallest, makes corpses, cripples, widows, and orphans.

    Old corpses, baby cripples, innocent widows and orphans. You would probably know some of them before you end or shatter their lives. You would definitely attend some of their funerals.

    That’s right, suffering YOU MADE will now exist. People will kill, on your recommendation. It’s not like losing a little market share.

    Even when you are right, people will kill and die and suffer. But you'll never know if you WERE right, even when you are. There just isn't any way to know.

    This isn't a job. It's not about rewarding you. And it certainly is not a bailout of any kind.

    You see, here at DOD we have people who actually DO parachute. Over at the Air Force, "bailout" isn't such a giggle. And those Rangers and SEALs don't hit the ripcord to avoid poverty- they jump OUT of the safe place, and INTO danger. Real danger, not the tragedy of having to wait another year to be able to buy a new car.

    When we last met, I told you that your words were mine now, and to not put me in the position of defending an opinion I don't even have.

    I have to account for what you say, Ms. Brooks. And the next time I go to Walter Reed, I don't think I can honestly tell those people that you understand how serious real life is.

    When I offered you this appointment, I said "Welcome to the sheepdog kennel, Ms. Brooks".

    On reflection, I don't believe you belong here.

    Good luck in your future efforts elsewhere.

    Tuesday, April 21, 2009

    Craigslist is different because...

    So Sciencegirl and I have this running thing about the internets and legacy media. She, being the (sort of) lefty that she is, sees a (bad) difference in kind between them and distrusts the new. Plus, it's totally unregulated! (By government, experts who know what's best for us, and economic barriers to participation.)

    I, being the narrow minded small c conservative that I am, see only (good) differences in degree between old media and new. Plus, it's much less regulated! (By government, experts who know what's best for us, and economic barriers to participation.)

    I'm constantly saying that the web is just faster and cheaper than the newspaper. For example-

    Staghounds: "Why don't you look on ebay for those jeans you like?"

    Sciencegirl: "No way. I don't know who those people are, they are far away. What if they just keep my money? What if they send the wrong size?"

    "But you were raised on LL Bean, and Talbots, and Squire's Choice."

    "That's different."

    "How?"

    "I know them."

    So today, she told me about the "CraigsList Killer".

    "See, I told you it was dangerous."

    "It could just as easily have been a newspaper classified."

    "No it couldn't, they find out who you are with newspaper adverts."

    "That's silly, of course they don't. I could order an advert in your name, pay with cash or a postal money order, and be entirely anonymous."

    "Well, it's still different."

    "How? You're a scientist, don't just assert. How is being found on Craigslist different from them doing it in the Post twenty years ago, or in the telephone book when Taft was President?"

    "It's creepier!"

    You have me there.

    Friday, April 17, 2009

    Oldest living person in my life...



    I've been waiting to stumble on something not pleasant about my dam's death, other than practical things, and I found one.

    In court, actually- at a hearing on a State child. This boy had truly horrid parents and was protected from them by state custody when he was very small, like four.

    He'd bounced around as they do- orphanages, group homes, foster placements, a little delinquency. Every change had to be court approved, by this same judge. Also, as with every child it commits, the court had reviews every six months or so to see how he was doing.

    He had turned eighteen, and this was his last review. The judge told him he was no longer in state custody as of his birthday next week, chatted with him about his prospects, and wished him luck.

    As he got up to leave, he started to cry. Really cry, those hitching sobs of bereavement. The judge asked him what was wrong- his life was just beginning, he never had to come back to account for anything. He was free now, for the first time , he owned himself. What was wrong?

    "But judge- now there won't be anybody who's known me all my life."

    Mi casa su casa, Demetrius.

    It's strange that I can remember when I first met everyone who is still in my own life. Senior to everyone I know.

    Ugh. Oldest living means next dead.

    (Not the child's real name of course.)

    Tuesday, April 14, 2009

    President Obama, Killer...

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think it curious that the first three people Barack Obama had killed were troubled young East African men?

    You know, like his father.

    Sunday, April 12, 2009

    Attorney General Holder: Idiot...

    "Attorney General Eric Holder said this past week that the Justice Department had not seen a case of piracy against a U.S. ship in hundreds of years."

    Let's see.

    First, we'll take Piracy to mean the old fashioned maritime kind, not the RIAA nonsense, or Aircraft Piracy, which the DOJ has prosecuted vigorously MUCH more recently than that, as even General Holder knows.

    Let’s see, “Hundreds” would be 1809 at the latest.

    The DOJ prosecuted Shi Lei, who was convicted of piracy in 2005.

    People were being convicted, and hanged, by US District Courts in the 1830s. The last Federal execution for piracy was in 1862 for engaging in the slave trade, a thing forbidden by the US piracy act of 1820 as amended.

    And since the Department of Justice was founded in 1870, it’s only 139 and has yet to do anything “hundreds of years” ago.

    (Took me 7 minutes to find all that on the web.)

    I HATE sloppy talk, it is a symptom of sloppy thinking.

    I’d fire a lawyer who was that careless if he worked in my office, and this eejit represents ME in court!!

    Monday, April 06, 2009

    Is Algore in town?



    Because if he isn't, my Global Warming is defective!



    Yes, that's snow. Seventy five miles SOUTH of Mr. Inconvenient's well lit Belle Meade trees. On April 6, 2009.



    It's not enough to ski on, but still.

    Sunday, April 05, 2009

    Liberty is LOUD...

    So on the way back from my meetings I stopped by the Knob Creek machine gun shoot.

    At which I was the sole and only person in crispy twill trousers, polished leather paddock shoes, and starched white Oxford button down shirt. My usual "shoot me first" attire.

    Plenty of interesting things to gawk at and play with, including a brand new condition Colt Monitor, a couple of Belgian Rattlesnakes, and one of the new Gardner copies.

    When all those things crank up under that tin shed, they are loud. But it doesn't "sound like a war", as I heard more than once. Just one long roar, and no chattering of one's own teeth. Sheesh.

    It was worth stopping by on the way, but I'm glad I didn't drive more than 15 minutes out of the way.

    Thursday, April 02, 2009

    $%^&* Violets...




    I know that hunting people are supposed to hate these pretty flowers. Not because they are the symbol of one of the great beasts of history,



    but since they arrive at the spring, when hunting ends.

    MFH AM once said that hunting just sort of ends itself, and he's right. With the local difficulties of this season, I'm not so sorry that yesterday was our last day of wildlife annoyance. Time to knock off until the autumn.

    BUT, I'll write up some hunts through the summer, with pictures, and post some hunting rants too.

    So long, coyotes! Au revoir, Sanglier! Until we meet again, Red Deer!

    Wednesday, April 01, 2009

    No Gold Embezzled From Fort Knox since 1999...

    "...Many gold investors suspect that the US has periodically attempted to flood the market with Fort Knox gold to keep prices low and the dollar high - perhaps through international swap agreements with other central banks - but facts remain scarce and the US Treasury denies that any such meddling has gone on for at least the past decade.

    "...for at least the past decade."

    I don't care who you are, that is funny right there.

    It translates well, too-

    "I haven't raped any eight year olds for at least the past decade".

    "Murder? No, not for at least the past decade".

    "Steal from the company during my 23 years as comptroller, Boss? No way, for at least the past decade".

    Tuesday, March 31, 2009

    Mike Yon falls for the Mexican Gun Canard... Or is it Mexi-Canard?

    Alas, the wonderful reporter Mike Yon says he trusts nobody, but prints only the very deceptive version of one side.

    Including the standard party line, "Weapons sources typically include secondary markets, such as gun shows and flea markets since—depending on State law—the private sale of firearms at those venues often does not require background checks prior to the sale or record keeping."

    Complete with the usual zero examples.

    (Messrs. Hoover and Placido might have said exactly the same thing about the cars and airplanes used in the drug trade, too. Where's the OUTRAGE (tm) over that?

    Close the car classified loophole!!!)

    And the most interesting thing they left out is a simple number- how many guns were seized?

    Here's how the figures they provide are silly- "submitted for tracing". In ordered to be accepted for an ATFE trace, a gun submitted from outside the US must have some indication of lawful sale or production inside the US. ALL guns imported into the US MUST have a permanently stamped import mark.

    I believe the ATFE will not trace or accept a submission for tracing of a foreign made firearm that does not bear a US import stamp. (I've submitted guns for tracing, but I'm not a foreign country, so I can't say that from personal experience.) Such weapons were never lawfully in the US, they never moved lawfully in any part of the US stream of commerce, and their numbers do not appear on any ATFE record or database. Even trying to trace them is a waste of time. Even if Mexico DID submit the million for tracing, and ATFE accepted them for tracing, if they had never moved lawfully in the US stream of commerce, they would NOT be among the guns that "could be traced".

    So yes, it is entirely possible for the Mexican government to have seized a million guns, out of which only 1500 "could be traced". So even in this scenario, Mexico submits a million guns, ATFE traces them all, 1500 show up in the database, a million can't be traced, 1350 have US sources, 150 have no US source. So "Of 1,501500 guns, 90% of those that could be traced come from US sources. " is actually true, and sounds terrible.

    1501500 x 90% = 1350.

    Talk to anyone at ATFE, or anyone who submits guns for tracing.

    Find out how many actual guns were seized in fiscal 2007, not how many were submitted.

    Find out how many of them were made in the US after 1968, which is when very poor records were first kept.

    Find out what the ATFE trace database actually covers.

    Find out how many of the traced guns were stolen from their US owners.

    He's a better reporter than this.

    Merci au the Armed Schoolteacher for the original term.

    Monday, March 30, 2009

    General Motors' Highest Value Is As A Power Base Expander . Or Dependency Expander....



    Power base expander ? Dependency Expander ? * What are those?

    Do please follow along with me...

    (Work in progress here.)

    We all know that a given market does only one thing- discover the highest use, or "value", for a given good or service to the people in that market at that moment. Even if the owner thinks the item belongs in the toilet, or even at the dump, the market knows better. The world experts may think an item is worth a certain sum, they can be very wrong. In both directions.

    Old paintings burn like crazy. But even if you WANT to sell that Watteau for one pound as a fire starter, if you are in the market where Watteau people can set the price, the market won't let you.

    And what does that mean about the buyers in those markets?

    People who buy are buying because think that they can make the highest and best use of the item. If anyone else thought so more, that person would buy the thing.

    Think about that little wedge of property between your house and your neighbour's. Too small to build on, a leftover of land division. You can use it, your neighbour can use it, but no one else can.

    But neither of you buys it- because there's no higher use in your minds. It's always going to be vacant land.

    Which brings me to the General Motors "bailout".

    There's no more transparent, accessible to people in the business, instant feedback market than the NYSE. Since it's public, and there are always bid and ask prices, it's impossible to conceal value. (Absent fraud of course.)

    And in a transparent market like that, there are plenty of people looking for undervalued things- people who believe the market is wrong. If they are , of course, they make a new market by their buying decision, like Morgan did with Bear Stearns.

    A transparent market isn't "never wrong", but it's seldom wrong for very long. As I told my genius broker when I wanted to buy $10,000 worth of Bear Stearns options at $4...

    So, what is General Motors? Is it a scrapeoff, or fixer upper?

    The market has told us. No one in the car business is even interested in GM as a car making company. If it had value for that, plenty of people in that business would have bought it, EVENTUALLY, as its share price dropped. Hell, I'd have paid $100,000 for it.

    But who has bought it? A car maker? A takeover/breakup shark?

    No, the United States Government is the buyer.

    And just in case that fact isn't enough, it was bought at a price that was, I think, greater than the open market capitalisation!

    That is to say, You or I, or a consortium of our friends, could have bought General Motors for less than the "bailout" sum.

    AND THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T EVEN OWN IT!!!!!

    That's right, we paid more than the price tag, it without buying it!

    Cherchez l'argent. No matter how apparently stupid, it is never waste- because something is gotten in exchange.

    It's not a scrapeoff- there's no intent to close it down. In fact, the opposite is the plan.

    So, what did "we" get for our money? What actual use are we going to make of GM? Because it's jolly well ours now.

    OOh, I know! We're going to do with it what it does!

    It's like that ragged house down the road which just sold. The new owner is going to resell it, fix it up, or tear it down. Because that's all he CAN do. He can't drive it to the store or sail it across the river or open up a steel mill. The house won't do any of those things.

    So what else is GM other than a car maker and lender of money?

    Its value IS to be "bailed out". I say this in all seriousness.

    It's a huge interface with millions of voters- and their livelihoods, savings, pensions, debts, mobility, their health...

    The only thing that makes GM valuable at this price is that it is a ready made conduit, all set up. What for?

    Delivering loyalty payments from "the government" to reliable voters. Buying new loyalty from stockholders. Buying gratitude from the workers kept on who aren't paying their way. Patronage, from contracts and positions.

    That, and an unrealistic pension/medical benefits scheme which, when it fails, can be "rescued". Think of how thankful all those sick old people will be!

    And, of course, it's a laboratory for any scheme our masters want to "test" in the "real world".

    And a sales tool for plundering and enslaving us all- so we'll hear, "Of COURSE the government can make universal health insurance work- look at GM!" "Of course we can borrow our way to prosperity- look at GM!"

    It's an extortioner's dream- because the tache d'huile of GM spreads allll over...

    "Not controlling (name of thing or process) will negatively impact all those jobs and pensions at GM, therefore..."

    It's a thrill for the lefties, too. When they were growing up, GM, the world's largest industrial corporation, was an exemplar of evil. Exploiter. Obscene profits. Grinder of the faces of the poor. Union buster. Destroyer of the Earth, our home. Even Vietnam, since one of its great architects came from GM.

    You'd think they would WANT GM to die. But now, they will sit on the board.

    For the greater good, of course. Such a sacrifice.

    What, you thought GM's purpose was to create and sell high quality, inexpensive vehicles and thereby increase share value?

    Who are you, the ghost of Billy Durant or Eddie Rickenbacker?

    That's SO 1910.

    If you study its history, actually GM was mainly a financial company created to profit from the shakeout of profitable/unprofitable car makers. It (as opposed to its carmaking divisions) has at least since 1920, been a financiers' and accountants' company. Raskob and Sloan basically invented stock price valuation as a management tool.

    The chickens are in a way coming home to roost on this one.

    * "power base expander"

    –noun

    1. A business enterprise, organization, property, or other entity which was designed to do one thing but is used for its ability to increase a power base, usually political.

    "General Motors was worthless as a car company. But it made a great power base expander for the Obama administration."

    [Origin: 2009. Coined by Sciencegirl, first lexicographic publication by Staghounds.)

    I prefer "dependency expander", which is what's happening here. But there are other power base expanders which might not be used to increase dependency at all, so that phrase is more useful.

    It's not "founding fathers" or "cold war", nor is it as funny as bifixtural, but it is actually useful to describe a phenomenon I've not heard named before.

    It might catch on.

    Inspired by reflection on Tam's post today.

    Friday, March 27, 2009

    Smoking soles!



    All retro this week. I lurve to see someone have fun dancing.





    When I was little, my other granddam- the drinky, fun one- taught me to Charleston, at which she seems to have been something of a sensation when it was new and she was hitting the speaks.

    (Sort of like having learned to drive from Eddie Rickenbacker. Which I didn't, but he did give me some driving tips, for when I got old enough.)

    I am surely glad that it's one of the things one doesn't have to be very good at to enjoy. But twentythreeskidoo is pretty good-



    And her YouTube page has lessons!

    Tuesday, March 24, 2009

    A Dress A Day- Who Knew There Was A Blog About Dresses?

    I put ADAD on my bookmarks a long time ago, but forgot to mention it here. Eejit me.



    She did quote Sylvia of Hollywood- "...just go to a museum and take a look at the early Egyptian figures. Notice their sitting posture. You will see there wasn't a slumping abdomen in a tombful..."

    But what I really like is The Secret Histories of Dresses.

    "I knew there was trouble when I saw the grocery store. I mean, look at me, I'm not a grocery-store kind of dress..."

    Friday, March 13, 2009

    Provocative Clothing...

    No, not that kind. But I'm sure I'll get hits from illiterate searchers.

    No, Tam's post of yesterday reminded me of my first time wearing provocative clothing. It was on my first trip to England. I had lots of hunting laid on, and the bag with my black coat in it had failed to follow me. So I went to the Camden Lock flea market, which at that time was still fairly new. Rooted around among the previously owned clothing and found a passable black coat- only six pounds! As I paid with a 20, I told the girl that she had really helped me out in a crisis, and to keep the change. She asked what crisis, and the result was dramatic. She got all red, threw the money down (behind the counter), and started shouting abuse at me.

    As did the other extras from "Trainspotting" in the shop. A couple of things were thrown at me, poorly, and so I retreated under fire. They pursued me for a little distance, too.

    I agree with Fran Lebowitz that "If people don't want to listen to you what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?", but now and then I'll wear a shirt or cap with a Hunt logo on it in urban England. It's good for a few hisses and "Hunt Scum!"s every time.

    To which I always reply with a big smile and an invitation to come out for a day. None has yet said yes, but I'm hopeful. A day out in the country with happy people is always a benefit.

    Good fun.

    Thursday, March 12, 2009

    NPR Journos Finally Notice Old Story, Get It Wrong...

    So this morning K called me to tell me that NPR had a story in which their experts decided that the gun industry was not just recession proof, but recession driven! That's right, the trained gatekeepers of information noticed that S&W and Ruger stocks went up, and decided that since there's a recession, that must have caused it!

    Tomorrow, NPR finds out that wet streets cause rain!

    (To be fair, she told me that at the very end there was a line about "And maybe Obama has something to do with it.")

    I haven't heard the piece, still looking and will post a link if I find it.

    This has been a story in the internets for well over nine months, and we in the 2A world know exactly what drives it. The failure to see it is a pure example of the Pauline Kael effect. As I said, no one at NPR is, or will admit he is, or admit he knows someone who, came home from the gun show/ Wal Mart/ gun shop/ rural general store, or international ship unloading port and said, "#$%^&*, I can't believe how people are buying ammunition, magazines, and AR receivers."

    Because admitting that you know even know someone who doesn't mean a shiny paper thing when he says magazine is probably career death at NPR.

    There's some agenda going on here too, though. Remember, TheOne told those bitter, clingy gun nuts that he was no threat! All the Journalistic Experts agreed! Guns are a dead issue, it's Hope and Change and Stimulating the Economy!

    The idea that there are enough Americans- and remember, gun nuts are Lower Middle Class Community College graduates at best- to keep the vast, shadowy, evil Gun Industry bucking a nationwide economic trend is scary! That must mean that huge numbers of people- dumb people, who should listen to the experts- don't believe what those experts are telling them!

    Not only that, but they disbelieve to the extent that they are spending their about to be laid off paychecks directly and specifically on that disbelief.

    It is, of course, a mistaken disbelief- those millians of "ordinary" Americans can't be right that TheOne was lying.

    No! Get back on that mental reservation!

    Sunday, March 08, 2009

    Gun Show of Shame...



    So Saturday, after hunting with two packs (report tomorrow), Home Hunt had its annual do. On Sunday's menu was a drive to meet visiting friends at National Gun Day. I went directly from the thrash, arriving in plenty of time.

    So I got out of the truck, still in my wing collared pleated shirt, cummerbund, striped trousers, and dancing slippers.

    Tam gave me only the slightest raised eyebrow- she knows me too well- and I said, "Gun Show of Shame". *

    Which phrase has apparently not made it into the mainstream of over 25, non hunting U. S. culture yet, judging from the blank stares which greeted me whenever I used it. Pull yourselves into the eighties, people!

    My slightly anti friend K thought I'd get grief over how I was dressed. Only a couple of questions as we walked the aisles. My favorite was a dealer who watched me approach and decided to have a giggle- elbowing his audience and saying "You sure look pretty".

    S- "Thank you, that's very flattering, but I'm afraid I'm only attracted to women. Keep trying though, I'm sure you'll find someone here."

    All his chums larfed.

    *Not technically correct, since I was the mighty Casey as usual.

    Wednesday, March 04, 2009

    The Protestant Total Abstinence Union...




    No fun of any kind!

    I'll bet their meetings were a barrel of laughs.

    Tuesday, March 03, 2009

    Hunt Difficulties...

    I've not been writing much lately, just not fired up. Perhaps because of a couple of hunt related difficulties.

    In England, Exmoor is about to be a real wreck. Everyone knows the stereotype that we're stupid-

    "Did you hear about the stupid foxhunter? So stupid that the others noticed".

    But we aren't so dumb that we don't know what a pyramid scheme is. Alas, someone has started one up on the moor, and people are buying in. The two I heard of were three thousand and five thousand pounds to get into.

    Now this is just a way to steal from one's neighbors. Whether it's legal (it's not, but I've heard people talk themselves into thinking it is), whether anyone is prosecuted, its wrong.

    It's particularly disturbing that the Masters aren't speaking out against this evil. I've even been told that some are participating!

    I hoped we were better than that.

    And when it all collapses, there will be so much anger. You can sell someone a bad horse, or run off with his (or her) spouse, and he will get over it.

    But he will ALWAYS miss that three thousand pounds.

    Sheesh.

    Closer to home, my local hunt has split up after a quarrel. It must be what divorce is like for a child- "But I don't want joint custody! I want Father and Mother to be back together! What will we do about Christmas?"

    These rifts happen from time to time in the hunting world, they are always ugly and sometimes just awful. We've been fortunate up until now, but the "perfect storm" arrived.

    All these people, for me, are what family is supposed to be. As I said when the snit was getting out of hand, when elephants fight, all the grass can do is get trampled.

    So I'm trying to be Switzerland, but it's difficult.

    And of course, politics and economics are just awful. I finally get enough money to think about knocking off work, and now it will be worthless!

    But none of these things are within my control or influence. Irritating none the less.

    Sunday, March 01, 2009

    Global Warming Defective!

    Hunting cancelled today, too. Lightweights.

    It's never too anything to hunt.

    Hunting friend told me they have 6 inches of snow there.

    Later I had this conversation-

    K- "Six inches of snow in Nashville? I'm in Detroit, and there's no snow at all!"

    S- "Their Global Warming is broken! Call AlGore! It's a shame he can't keep it running in the place where he's supposed to live."

    Saturday, February 28, 2009

    No Hunting Today, and Global Warming will increase food production

    Due to flooding at the Flat Hunts. Grr.

    Tomorrow is still on though.

    Flooding. And snow, at the Home Hunt.

    $%^&* Al Gore. My global warming is defective.

    Although I hate to admit that there is such a thing, I have long believed it. I noticed years ago that we were having fewer and fewer snows, frosts, and too cold to hunt days. Just as the Otterhound packs noticed the decline of the otters first.

    Which reminds me, it's only three degrees over a century, people. That means Tampa will be like...Miami!

    I wonder, since the amount of land mass increases in the Northern Hemisphere and decreases in the Southern as one moves toward the poles from the outward limit of arability- how much MORE farmland will be available after that global warming? Despite the evasive, slanted, and conjectural stuff in this article, here's the money map-



    The article's conclusions seem to be based on the agricultural results on existing farmland.

    Buut... moving the polar direction arability lines only a little north and south produces big gains in available productive land. WELL WATERED available productive land. It MORE than offsets the loss from moving the equatorial "too hot" lines outward. All the Russians, Americans, and Canadians have to do is drive their cattle and run their tractors a little farther north.

    And buy more of them, since they will be plowing more land. And buy less fertilizer, since it will be virgin,uncropped land.

    Yes, poor and black people, and people ruled by tyrants, will be hardest hit. But unlike "Global Warming", which is a phenomenon we don't understand, don't know how to control, and won't be able to implement our magic solutions to, we can solve tyranny PDQ.

    Thursday, February 26, 2009

    The Big Three and Robbing Ourselves...

    Fifty years ago, statistically every car on the roads of the United States was made by one of the "Big Three", or companies they absorbed. Imports were a cloud no bigger than a man's hand.

    Since then, in millions of personal buying decisions, we decided that we didn't really want the Big Three's products, at least not exclusively. Ten years ago they were over 50%, now not even that.

    We, as a population, don't want Detroit's products. (I say that having just bought one myself.)

    But we're going to use our government to rob ourselves at gunpoint to buy the companies themselves.

    And we won't even get an actual car.

    That would work better- buy the cars at wholesale, auction them off. The whole inventory. Taxpayers eat the difference between proceeds of the sales and costs, automakers start fresh or wind up.

    This is just beyond madness.

    Tuesday, February 24, 2009

    SaveKaryn for Budget Tsaritsa!

    Alright, enough of this bailout nonsense already. Back in the old times of the Internets, there was SaveKaryn. A desperate nation needs her now!

    Imagine if our fiscal masters lived by the example of The Daily Buck.

    And doesn't her debt advice sound EXACTLY like what we ought to insist on from the people who spend the money we earn?

    1.

    ADD IT UP. Yes, add it up. I know from experience and from the e-mails I receive from others that debt-ridden people often times have no idea how much they really owe. I kept putting off adding up my bills, and when I finally did the amount I owed was much higher than I thought it was going to be. So ADD IT UP ALREADY! (Then pour yourself a cocktail.)
    2.

    DON'T JUMP. You can and will be able to fix your debt problem, so think positive and put things in perspective. There are far worse things in life than debt. I mean, it's only money, right? So change your attitude - if you THINK you'll be able to conquer it, you soon WILL BE able to conquer it.
    3.

    GET OUT A BIG OLE PIECE OF PAPER. Using a marker, write down the amount of money you owe in big numbers at the top, and then hang it somewhere where you'll see it every day (on the wall in your room, on the inside of the closet door, etc.). By keeping the amount fresh in your mind, you'll be less likely to go out to dinner, splurge on a pair of shoes, etc.
    4.

    Try to make a payment to your creditors EVERY WEEK. Every time you do, subtract the amount of your payment from the total owed, and write the new amount owed underneath the old one. On my old website, the Grand Debt Tally page was SO helpful to me because it forced me to look at how much I owed every single week. The smaller the number became, the more motivated I was to pay off the debt.
    5.

    BE PROACTIVE. Do not let the debt control you. You control the debt. There are several things you can do to make extra money to pay it off.

    *

    Craigslist.org - Craigslist is like a virtual bulletin board sort of website. Look in the "et cetera jobs" area to find a variety of odd jobs. You can volunteer for studies (be careful if they're medical studies), take surveys, help someone move, etc. Also look in the "Wanted" section. You may have something that someone is willing to pay cash for. Craigslist is also a great place to sell unwanted furniture.
    *

    eBay - Clean out your closets and sell stuff on eBay. People will buy ANYTHING - I've sold old magazines on eBay, broken electronics, etc. Just make sure you're honest in your description. And remember... when cleaning out your closet ask yourself this: Would you rather have another pair of black shoes or be DEBT-FREE? When my debt got out of control, I realized that I'd rather sit naked in an empty apartment than owe money to credit card companies.
    *

    Pay for things with whole dollar bills, and save the change. If something costs me $2.30, I give the cashier $3, and put the change in a jar when I get home. I try not to use any change when paying for things. Once a month I add up the change and send it as an EXTRA payment to my creditors. It's a great way to save money without trying that hard.

    6.

    CUT YOUR EXPENSES. Duh. Right? Pack a lunch, take the bus instead of a cab, make dinner at home instead of going out, cancel the cell phone - and send all of the money that you would have spent doing those things to your creditors. People ask me, "Do you mean I have to stop living my life?" The answer that is well... yes, you will have to sacrifice things in life if you want to pay your debt off. There's no way around it. Buy a book instead of going to a movie - it'll take you a lot longer to read it and cost you less money. You may even learn a few new words. You don't have to stop living, but you will have to make some changes in the types of things you do and the types of things you spend your money on.

    Those sophisticated, serious Europeans...

    I've occasionally seen, on AOL, Yahoo, or CNN, that "most popular stories" list on the side of the page. This ranks the current news articles in order of the customers' actual selection.

    I'm always saddened by the fact that Brittany Hilton or Bambi's disappearance on Tahiti are the sort of stories that predominate.

    Fortunately those sophisticated, wise Europeans have a more serious outlook. Today's top 5 from Bild:

    Rankings
    Top 5 stories
    01
    Oscars battle of the dresses: Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston is black and white!
    Oscars dress battle
    Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston again!

    02
    Paul Gascoigne's hell
    Gazza tells all about drink and drug addictions

    03
    Jade Goody's perfect wedding to Jack Tweed: Terminally ill star says
    "I'm ready to go to heaven"

    04
    Stock market freefall
    Wall Street fall sees DAX and Dow Jones suffer

    05
    Rihanna ready to forgive Chris Brown: Attacked popstar ready to take boyfriend back

    I'm afraid to look at Le Monde's list...

    Monday, February 23, 2009

    The Gayest Lurchers EVAR !!!1!

    All four of my loyal readers will note the absence of this hunting writeup, with plenty of pictures. I've removed it, and I'm still thinking about how to deal with it.

    And have been for some time. More on Monday, in a long post.

    Your lurchers are gay...

    A fun week end's hunting, featuring the above phrase. Film tonight...

    Friday, February 20, 2009

    The last word on slavery apologies and reparations...

    I drive past 12,956 apologies and reparations every time I go to the post office.



    My dam and her family were entirely unreconstructed. The young adults of the Confederacy were the old people of my grandparents' childhood, and I was raised on tales of the war heard by the teller from those who were there. These men came here to conquer my forbears, killed several people in my chain of ancestry, and their surviving fellows impoverished the South for five generations.

    There's a great little scene in John Milius' movie "The Rough Riders". The newly enlisted volunteers are travelling from Texas to Florida on a special train. As they pass through some Alabama or Georgia tank town, we see that everyone has gathered to watch and wave. The camera focuses on an old man- maybe his sleeve is pinned up- who holds a young boy by the hand. He looks up as the Rough Riders, wearing blue flannels, pass and asks, "Grandfather, why are we cheering for Yankees?" The old rebel replies,"They aren't Yankees, they are Americans."

    Their ungrateful beneficiaries shouldn't make their whines and "demands" in television studios or legislative lobbies, but here:



    Rest in peace, Yankees far from home.

    Thursday, February 19, 2009

    Stimulus bons mots...

    It's not a stimulus bill, it's a patronage and loyalty reward bill. They are just calling it a stimulus so people won't fuss. Like you can set someone up with Helen, you know, on television". You think it's Helen Hunt but it's Helen Thomas all along.

    Deflation? There's never been a general deflation of a fiat currency in the entire history of human endeavour. We have to worry about deflation like Barney Frank needs to worry about being assigned to replace Ian Farquhar, Carlton Kent or Rupert Pennefather.

    Wednesday, February 18, 2009

    Footbridge Charity...

    This is a clever idea, a charity that helps people build footbridges!

    Dream big some, dream small some, dream practical some...

    Tuesday, February 17, 2009

    Stupidity, cigarettes, and seat belts...

    So yesterday I read something from another prosecutor, Tom Kimball, who's a DUI trainer in a nearby jurisdiction. While trapped at a grocery store for a while, he did an informal seat belt use survey, observing a hundred successive drivers in an hour and a half. He counted 79 wearing seat belts and 21 not, which is more than I would expect down there.

    The interesting thing is that he also counted smoking, and saw a dozen puffing the Indian weed. But here's the thing- four were belted, and eight were driving unprotected- that's 5% of belted drivers and 38% of the naked ones.

    He wondered if there was a correlation. No kidding, Mr. Holmes.

    I've long thought that, now, smoking is the province of the addicted or the stupid. To back this up, I observe that most cigarette advertising is placed where it will be observed by the least clever and energetic parts of our population.

    Lottery tickets, too.

    If you doubt that, compare the quantum of tobacco and lottery adverts at a stop-and-rob in a neighbourhood full of Mercedes with one in a housing project.

    I know BRILLIANT people who smoke. They are junkies and know it. But the ones with whom I've ridden in cars all belt in. Like Tom, I'm just intrigued by the statistical breakdown.

    There's a grant in there someplace. No one will like the result, though.

    Monday, February 16, 2009

    The Magic Plea Ball...

    So, shortly after I started as a prosecutor, they assigned a new public defender to my court. I was quite new and had no "reputation" yet to speak of.

    So we spoke about how we'd do things, and agreed to meet and try to negotiate about all the coming week's cases at one weekly meeting. A good system, as it turned out.

    So he came up to the office, and I had the sixty or so files ready. We spoke about the first one, and then it was time for me to make an offer. He asked if the defendant plead, would I agree to probation.

    So I reached into the side drawer and pulled out my Magic Eight Ball...

    "My sources say No."

    "What are you doing?"

    "Making offers."

    "You can't do that!"

    "Au contraire, I just did. Look for yourself- my sources say no."

    "You can't use an eight ball for pleas!"

    "But this is the MAGIC eight ball. It knows things beyond our mere human ability to understand."

    My reputation began that day. Enhanced by the Sentencing Ouija Board and Wheel of Parole introduced at other times.

    As I recalled this tale, I used the wonders of the internets to discover that one can have Magic Eight Balls made with custom answers!

    I wonder if lawyers would buy them with lawyer answers...

    Bingo Fatwa!

    G-43 for the beheading!