More of our Cold Hearted Staff...

So we have someone new in the office. She came back from her D. A. R. luncheon, and asked if we had received the video of a jail riotette which we are prosecuting. Staghounds: "Not here yet." New Employee: "I want to see it." Sh: "You certainly are bloodthirsty." N.E.: "Yes, I am." She will work out fine...

Getting shot at...

Every time a police officer here becomes long term unavailable for court, that department sends us a letter.

Going through the mail today, there were three notices. I told Day Wife, "Smith, Jones, and Robinson are leaving the Big City police department. Well, Robinson is on military leave for deployment. He's going to spent the next year being shot at."

"You mean, shot at somewhere different."

C O L D

Again With The Hilarious Day Wife...

DW(preparing to leave for the day): "You won't have to put up with me much longer."

Staghounds: "You sound like you're trying to get sympathy from your children before they put you in the old people's place"

"Listen, that might not be so bad for a little while. Get a book to read..."

"And they are all old, you could take them if they tried to cause trouble."

"They would be my b*tches. I'd have all the Ensure I wanted."



But later, she topped that-

Staghounds: "I think I'm going to take up drinking."

DW: "It doesn't help that much."

My Day Wife Is A Stitch...

We already know that my fellow prosecutor is cold as a glacier.

But funny, too. Today we learned that one of our defendants had been shot by persons "unknown" to him. The bullets threaded their way between all vital organs, major arteries, significant blood vessels, and all bones. Treated and released, despite three through and through torso and neck hits.

Upon learning of these events, her comment?

"You just can't kill these mopes".

It appears that as well as being very F. F. V., she is also from 1930.

My Day Wife is COLD...

I had a telephone call from a woman who had her car stolen. It was recovered yesterday. Since she couldn't be reached, the police had it towed to an impound lot, as is the usual procedure.

There's a $150 charge for the owner to get the car back in these cases. (Seems wrong to me, but the City won't pay the private tow truck drivers and after all, it is the owner's car that's being protected, not mine.) The owner wanted to have the defendant pay the fee, but it's a little early in the process for that. Of course if he had $150 he'd be out on bail, he wouldn't waste it on restitution.

I explained all that, and she hung up.

A few minutes later I came back into the office and I heard my day wife on the telephone half way through the same explanation, obviously to the same upset citizen. As I had done, I told her that it seemed unfair to me, and that if convicted the thief would be ordered to pay the fee as restitution.

She then explained, as I had not, that an order and actual payment were two different things, and that more often than not restitution was never paid.

Then she was silent, as the owner spoke for a minute. And then my day wife said.

"Well, I guess that's why they call it victim."

I thought I was the cold one!


I remarked on it later, and she said, "I said with a smile!"

"It wasn't a web cam, she can't see through the wire."

"You know what I meant. If bad things didn't happen to victims, they wouldn't come to court."

Cold.

Now THIS is a case report...

My new colleague is the BEST. I asked how a case went, and I got this report.

Wee Willie Something
Went for a ride.
As it turned out,he
should have stayed inside.

It was Wee Willie's cousin
who led him astray,
He said, " I will steal me
a nice car today."

And wouldn't you know it
there sat the Crown Vic,
keys in it, still running,
just ripe to be picked.

So in it they jumped
and took off down the screet.
If the man hadn't seen them
it would have been sweet.

Then Wee Willie's cousin
let Wee Willie out.
And there stood the owner,
who said with a shout,

"Who is that sitting
behind my Vic's wheel?"
But loyal Wee Willie
wouldn't dare squeal.

That's how Willie wound up
under arrest.
He'd have been better off
If he had just confessed.

When the police came to get him
they sure didn't smile.
Wee Willie's seventeen,
a mere juvenile.

Will dealt with his charge
in the very worst way.
He said,
"I just won't go to court today!"

Wee Willie's eighteen now-
when they see him around
the cops will arrest him
and take him DOWNTOWN.

With Wee Willie's luck
they will add to the docket
a charge for the drugs
that he'll have in his pocket.

Watch out, Judge Kosinski!