Bons Mots from the Dinners with English Stag Hunters... ‎

Can't take credit for these, but they made me laugh.



"Going to executions used to be a very popular thing."

"I suppose, but it's not like watching Australia versus Pakistan in cricket."

"Ah, but what if the winners got to hang the losers?"

"Then you would have the best summer sport ever.

Except for otter hunting."

***

"I'd rather hunt a stag than talk to a pretty girl."

"What, even on a not very good day like today?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I've never actually talked to a pretty girl."

***


‎"There's no chemistry between us.

The Rohypnol wears off before the Viagra kicks in."


***

‎"I rely on my personality for contraception.

So far, it's been one hundred per cent effective."

If You Are Going To Rant About Your Expertise,

don't foul up in the actual rant itself.

Tam noticed the pathetic arrogance about nothing, but not the most delicious work of trained expert award winning journalist (tm) Ruben Navarrette:

"Kutcher was talking about anyone who subscribes to the belief that their views and opinions are just as valuable as the views and opinions of media professionals who have the benefit of editors, producers, fact checkers and years of experience. Put another way, this tribe believes that the views and opinions of columnists, radio talk show hosts, television commentators and other pundits are no more valuable than what you pick up from Twitter, Facebook or the scores of faceless individuals who blog feverishly. "

might have been more effective if it hadn't followed

"...Kutcher– whose has more than 5 million followers..."


Here's the screenshot, for after Mr. Integrity hides his mistake.



UPDATE:

Ruben Navarrette integrity check! As of 6-18-11AM EDT,

31 still unnoticed by all those layers and layers of expertise,

106 down the memory hole.

Now 75 wrong and 156 right- clearly the article was sent out wrong and about half the experts caught the mistake. Gell-Mann effect: if they get spelling wrong, what unobvious errors are there?

"Trained newspaper journalists- we foul up less than half the time!"

World Collapse Explained...

This is some funny truth in this three minute youtube. (Link fixed now, duh.)

Especially the last ten seconds.

Then, of course, you want to cry.

And there is this one, and this. I'm choking with laughter.

Clarke and Dawe.

They were on the whole oil spill problem years ago.



Thanks, Samizdata!

Again With The Hilarious Day Wife...

DW(preparing to leave for the day): "You won't have to put up with me much longer."

Staghounds: "You sound like you're trying to get sympathy from your children before they put you in the old people's place"

"Listen, that might not be so bad for a little while. Get a book to read..."

"And they are all old, you could take them if they tried to cause trouble."

"They would be my b*tches. I'd have all the Ensure I wanted."



But later, she topped that-

Staghounds: "I think I'm going to take up drinking."

DW: "It doesn't help that much."

My Day Wife Is A Stitch...

We already know that my fellow prosecutor is cold as a glacier.

But funny, too. Today we learned that one of our defendants had been shot by persons "unknown" to him. The bullets threaded their way between all vital organs, major arteries, significant blood vessels, and all bones. Treated and released, despite three through and through torso and neck hits.

Upon learning of these events, her comment?

"You just can't kill these mopes".

It appears that as well as being very F. F. V., she is also from 1930.

Word To Your Mother About Cultural Sensitivity...

"Russia's energy giant Gazprom has signed a $2.5bn (£1.53bn) deal with Nigeria's state operated NNPC, to invest in a new joint venture.

The new firm, to be called ..."

If you're not laughing, imagine some press releases or headlines:

"_____ To Construct New Refinery"

"_____ Expected To Default On Government Loan"

"Brokers Downgrade _____"

"Government Action Prevents Sale Of _____"

Dating advice from my friend F...

At a party the other night, and F.- "I've been divorced twice, so I should know", issued this pearl of wisdom-

"You have to go out there and try.

After all, you can't get hit by the bus unless you throw yourself in front of it."

Is Algore in town?

Because if he isn't, my Global Warming is defective!



Yes, that's snow. Seventy five miles SOUTH of Mr. Inconvenient's well lit Belle Meade trees. On April 6, 2009.



It's not enough to ski on, but still.

Those sophisticated, serious Europeans...

I've occasionally seen, on AOL, Yahoo, or CNN, that "most popular stories" list on the side of the page. This ranks the current news articles in order of the customers' actual selection.

I'm always saddened by the fact that Brittany Hilton or Bambi's disappearance on Tahiti are the sort of stories that predominate.

Fortunately those sophisticated, wise Europeans have a more serious outlook. Today's top 5 from Bild:

Rankings
Top 5 stories
01
Oscars battle of the dresses: Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston is black and white!
Oscars dress battle
Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston again!

02
Paul Gascoigne's hell
Gazza tells all about drink and drug addictions

03
Jade Goody's perfect wedding to Jack Tweed: Terminally ill star says
"I'm ready to go to heaven"

04
Stock market freefall
Wall Street fall sees DAX and Dow Jones suffer

05
Rihanna ready to forgive Chris Brown: Attacked popstar ready to take boyfriend back

I'm afraid to look at Le Monde's list...

Stimulus bons mots...

It's not a stimulus bill, it's a patronage and loyalty reward bill. They are just calling it a stimulus so people won't fuss. Like you can set someone up with Helen, you know, on television". You think it's Helen Hunt but it's Helen Thomas all along.

Deflation? There's never been a general deflation of a fiat currency in the entire history of human endeavour. We have to worry about deflation like Barney Frank needs to worry about being assigned to replace Ian Farquhar, Carlton Kent or Rupert Pennefather.

Bingo Fatwa!

G-43 for the beheading!

My Day Wife is COLD...

I had a telephone call from a woman who had her car stolen. It was recovered yesterday. Since she couldn't be reached, the police had it towed to an impound lot, as is the usual procedure.

There's a $150 charge for the owner to get the car back in these cases. (Seems wrong to me, but the City won't pay the private tow truck drivers and after all, it is the owner's car that's being protected, not mine.) The owner wanted to have the defendant pay the fee, but it's a little early in the process for that. Of course if he had $150 he'd be out on bail, he wouldn't waste it on restitution.

I explained all that, and she hung up.

A few minutes later I came back into the office and I heard my day wife on the telephone half way through the same explanation, obviously to the same upset citizen. As I had done, I told her that it seemed unfair to me, and that if convicted the thief would be ordered to pay the fee as restitution.

She then explained, as I had not, that an order and actual payment were two different things, and that more often than not restitution was never paid.

Then she was silent, as the owner spoke for a minute. And then my day wife said.

"Well, I guess that's why they call it victim."

I thought I was the cold one!


I remarked on it later, and she said, "I said with a smile!"

"It wasn't a web cam, she can't see through the wire."

"You know what I meant. If bad things didn't happen to victims, they wouldn't come to court."

Cold.

Now everybody will have a gun!!!

The Mayor of a city where honest people are disarmed by law said yesterday in response to Heller-

“Does this lead to everyone having a gun in our society?”

Yes, it does.

Just like the First Amendment has lead to everyone having a newspaper subscription, a church membership, and a protest sign.

Or, if you read the Supreme Court 1A cases, p*rn, a burning flag, snakes to handle, and a brown shirt they wore in Skokie.

These people are JPFN**.

We've heard it before.

You see, Mr. Mayor, in America, there are, shockingly, things that are neither prohibited nor mandatory.

We've heard it before though. I'm sure your Great Grandfather said "Now the niggers will be living next door to me!"


** "Just Plain F*cking Nuts". A term a psychiatrist I know often uses. From page 317 of the DSM-IV, I think.

Snarky fashion shop reviewer Cintra Wilson, courtesy of Ann Coulter...

Who would think that Ann Coulter would tell me about an hilarious boulevardier lefty like Cintra Wilson?

Her regular job seems to be reviewing clothing stores for the New York Times. Not the ones at the mall, but Prada and Louboutin:

The Pigalle is not for wearing, but it is the most eloquent visual argument against capitalism since the 19th-century cotton mill.

Back when I was working, I often went into high end stores in the city. It was fun and free amusement, good for her figuring out how to make a buck off it.

Who would have thought that a woman named after an embarrassing nineteenth century treaty would make me laugh?

Bonus giant dismembered lobster exoskeleton picture!



Uh oh, I'll bet I'm Google #1 for dismembered lobster exoskeleton...

How do you get to the Olympics?

Take the Fuxing Road!

Not far from Fuxingmen Outer Street. If you're interested in that sort of thing.

(Expect a quick rename if this gets well known.)

This Demographics Comparison Thing Is Great Fun!

I ran across this thing and was entranced. Look at all the categories and details!


No wonder people in small Pennsylvania towns are bitter. Look what they have to pay for their houses!

Who knew that there were .0161187448% Episcopalians where I once lived?

Knock yourself out. The comparison thing is hilarious.

Snarque de la Louvre...

So on my visit to the Atlanta travelling Louvre exhibit, I stopped for a few minutes in front of the yew, silver, and silver gilt wash stand that Bienne made for Bonaparte, and a lovely example of the Corsican's taste it is.



Pretty cool to think that the first modern mass market tyrant washed his face in this thing for years, and it stood beside him while he died on St. Helena. Here's a man who killed millions, and flattered himself that he owned it- yet he is dust and the wash stand still lives.

Aaaaanyway, I noticed that there's a presentation inscription around the bulge of the ewer. I could just read it, and my French is barely equal to puzzling out, "Given to the Emperor by his Sister Caroline..."

At which point I said,

"MY sister Caroline never gave ME a yew wood, silver, and silver gilt washstand..."

At which point my Museum visit sharer T said,

"Well, did YOU ever give HER the Grand Duchy of Berg and Cleves?"

I had my revenge later. There was an exhibition on Georgia O'Keeffe and the Women of the Stieglitz Circle, art which leaves me unmoved. So strolling through, there was a section of pictures that were very crude, including one of a house and yard.

T: "That looks like an eight year old did it."

(I looked at the card, which said "Georgia Englehard, 1906-1990, Watercolor, 1916." Quick mental math...)

S: "Give her a break, she was only ten."

T: "It looks like it should be on a refrigerator."

S: "It was 1916, they didn't have refrigerators in houses. And magnets won't stick to a wood icebox. Don't you know anything about art?"

The best Home Schooling thing ever is 80 years old...

Clever people often think along similar paths.

As before, click on each picture to blow the page up to readable size.




From:


No one reads APH any more, and it's a shame.

(And just in case one of my reader isn't familiar, these are sarcastic reports of fictional law cases dreamed up by the author to illustrate legal and social problems. Sort of like a proto-Onion, or my mass killing rewrites. Just so no homeschooler thinks the story is fact.)

Ricin recipe...

My ScienceGirl is hilarious. Or scary. We were discussing something a group of people had done to upset one of her friends.

SG- If they do anything more to her, I'll be making up some ricin in the attic.

S- Maybe not making it, but at least getting the recipe and ingredients.

SG- No, I already have some...  errr... ahh... ummm...


Maybe K and kennelman C should compare notes.

Today's rAAAAAAAcist post, from the BBC...

"We will find out next week if that (Obama) wave is about to sweep through Texas too. If it does, then things will look very dark indeed for Hillary Clinton."